Pics that don't matter

SPIDER-MAN 3 (2007) - Directed by Sam Raimi

STARRING:
Tobey Maguire as Peter Parker/Spider-Man
Kirsten Dunst as Mary Jane
James Franco as Harry Osborn/New Goblin
Thomas Haden Church as Flint Marko/Sandman
Topher Grace as Eddie Brock, Jr./Venom

PLOT: Peter Parker (Magiure) has finally found an equilibrium between his love life with girlfriend Mary Jane (Dunst) and his duties as the friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. Then...things go to hell. Ex-best friend Harry becomes the New Green Goblin; escaped convict Flint Marko, who turns out to be Peter's Uncle Ben's killer, turns into a huge sand monster; and a new photographer shows up at the Daily Bugle to try and steal his job. All of this on top of an alien symbiote that attachs itself to Peter and amplifies his "darker" side and we get one messed up movie.

REVIEW: I liked the first two "Spider-Man" movies, so much that I bought them, which is a high praise from me for a movie. And I was legitimately jazzed to see Venom on the big screen in the third installment of this insanely lucrative franchise. Keep in mind that "SM2" was BETTER than "SP1" - so that meant that "SP3" was either going to be the best of the series...or be a complete bust compared to the other two. It's the nature of trilogies (see: "Return of the Jedi", "Godfather Part III", "Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom").

So how was the "SP3"? Well, I had a blast while watching it the first time because it's a summer movie that is just plain fun to watch, though I did notice a few flaws and was thrown off by a few things too. Then I saw it a second time...and came to the decision that this is a bad comic book movie. And in no particular, here's what I didn't like about "SM3":

-When the alien symbiote joins together with Peter, the black Spider-Man suit doesn't look like it did in the comics or cartoons. This should have been an easy one for Raimi to give to fanboys, and I'm not even a real Spider-Man fanboy. And why did the symbiote wait two whole days to attach itself to Peter?
-During flashbacks showing Flint Marko (Church) killing Uncle Ben, they're on the wrong side of the street than in "SP1". Continuity error that stood out to me BIG TIME for such an "important" plot line.
-The New Goblin's outfit made him look like a skaterboy. And he was a wuss. Grow a pair, Harry.
-On the same token, when Peter was wearing the black Spidey suit under his clothes and Raimi was showing his "dark" side, what the hell was up with Peter looking emo? Seriously! WTF? And the dancing? I was laughing, not because it was funny, but because it was so out of place.
-The Sandman storyline was pointless. The Uncle Ben storyline was like warmed up meatloaf and took up space for what bugged me the most...
-THERE WASN'T ENOUGH VENOM! Everybody, and I mean EVERYBODY, was looking forward to "SP3" for one reason - Venom. And what do we get? About twenty minutes of Venom (if that) fighting Spider-Man alongside Sandman, and then he gets blown the hell up. I also thought the whole beating Venom with sound waves thing was too much like a deus ex machina. Not good.
-The acting was sub-par compared to the first two Spidey movies, with the lone exception of Aunt May (Rosemary Harris) and J. Jonah Jameson (J.K. Simmons). Speaking of which, there wasn't enough J.J. for my taste.
-Last, but not least, for a movie that reportedly cost above $250 million to make and promote, the CG was WAY too noticeable. My biggest example was in a transition scene where the camera pans and zooms around a church steeple to where Spider-Man is sulking, the gray, stormy clouds completely change tone and brightness. Horrible editing.

Was there anything I liked about the movie? Yeah, I love Bruce Campbell's cameo as a maitre d'; Elizabeth Banks continues to scorch the screen as J.J.'s secretary, Ms. Banks; Danny Elfman's Spider-Man theme continues to be a great piece of film music; Bryce Dallas Howard as Gwen Stacey was hot as hell. Not enough of her now that I think about it.

ACTING: As I mentioned earlier, the acting was subpar compared to "SP1" and "SP2". Maguire seemed uninterested at times, Dunst hasn't been the best actress in the world, and it seemed like all the villians were used poorly - though Church, Grace, and Franco did there jobs well with not enough given to them. Just shoddy work from the main two "stars", overall.

DIRECTING: It seemed to me that Raimi, who admittedly says he didn't want to include Venom in the movie, didn't care about this movie as much as the other two. He just kind of floated through the actual shooting of the movie and put everything into post-production, which wasn't very good either. He didn't get the best out of Maguire and Dunst, and for that he disappointed me as well. The movie LOOKED beautiful, as all three have, but again the CG was too noticeable.

RATING REASON: "Spider-Man 3" is rated PG-13 for intense action violence. This means...c'mon. It's a Spider-Man movie, if you didn't expect there to be hand-to-hand battles, then you've been living under a rock for the past decade.

THE FINAL WORD: I wanted to like SP3, especially because I have a number of friends who absolutely adore(d) it, but I just couldn't get past all of the flaws after I had stepped out of the theatre. Yeah, there was action, and yeah, my eyes were glued to the screen, but I was left with an empty feeling. An empty feeling that the first two Spidey movies did leave. And for that, as well as all of the things that bugged me about the movie, I give "Spider-Man 3" TWO STARS out of four.
P.S. -"SP3" has shattered box-office records, but I don't think it'll have the legs to be the year's biggest movie. I still think "Pirates of the Caribbean 3" will do that.

GRINDHOUSE (PLANET TERROR/DEATH PROOF) (2007) - Directed by Robert Rodriguez & Quentin Tarantino

NOTE: In case you've been living under a rock for the last month or so, you know that ""Grindhouse" is a double-feature movie that is comprised of Robert Rodriguez's "Planet Terror" and Quentin Tarantino's "Death Proof". The former is an all-out zombie movie that's a throwback to directors like George A. Romero ("Dawn of the Dead") and even early Peter Jackson ("Dead Alive"), while the latter is a homage to car chase movies like "Vanishing Point". Since they are two completely different movies, I shall review them as such.

"PLANET TERROR"
STARRING:
Rose McGowan as Cherry Darling
Freddy Rodriguez as Wray
Marley Shelton as Dr. Dakota Block
James Brolin as Dr. William Block

PLOT: Cherry (McGowan) is a Go-Go dancer in a small Texas town who comes across an old flame, Wray (Rodriguez), who gives her a ride in the night. At the same time, some top secret Army stuff is going down just down the road where a chemical leak causes people to start turning into zombies. Eventually the town runs amok with zombies while those resistant to the disease, led by Wray and Cherry, fight them off. Ladies and gentlemen...may I present my favorite zombie movie of all-time!

REVIEW: "Planet Terror" is an all-out, balls to the walls gorefest slapped with hilarity whenever given the chance. You cannot, repeat, CANNOT take this movie seriously at all or else you will not have a fun time. Rodriguez has constructed a perfect piece of entertainment while at the same time honoring the grindhouse movies of his childhood. The movie is made to look like the film on which it is printed is grainy, it warps at times, there's a key sex scene that's missing and then the movie picks right back up at an opportune moment (funny as hell, by the way), etc. This is just a fun movie with tons of over the top elements, including the acting, violence, and dialogue. For example, a character has an obsession with collecting victims' testicles. 'Nuff said.

I cannot find any fault with this movie. The subplots in the film that include Wray and Cherry's love story, a husband and wife (Shelton and Brolin) that deal with marraige issues in the midst of the hell going on around them, and a restaurantuer who is searching for the perfect BBQ recipe are all engaging and well-drawn out. And I loved the actors in the film, which also included Bruce Willis as the main villian, Quentin Tarantino as a sex-fiend soldier, Naveen Andrews (tv's "Lost") as a bio-chemical engineer, and Jeff Fahey as the BBQ owner. Hell, even Robert Rodriguez's son is in the movie, who ends up with a hilarious fate (if you ask me). Again, no faults I could find.

ACTING: Since "Planet Terror" was meant to be a made as a b-movie, the actors give it that kind of a feel, yet they all did great! McGowan should not be on television - she's too damn attractive and charming to be kept on the small screen. Freddy Rodriguez's Wray is a BAMF to the 'nth degree and he plays it was a shit-ton of charisma. Shelton and Brolin are an engaging couple - she seriously seems like she's frightened of him, and he's a scary mofo. Then all of the other characters do very good jobs with their small screen time.

DIRECTING: Rodriguez was a fave of mine before this movie with his works like "Once Upon a Time in Mexico", "From Dusk 'til Dawn", "The Faculty", and most notably "Sin City" (can't wait for "Sin City 2"!), and after this, he's unquestionably in my Top 5 favorite directors. The guy is a freakin' genius and his movies are some of the most fun I ever see. He has a knack for getting awesome performances from his acctors, not matter who they are, and his films look fantastic - same holds true here. And I got a huge kick out of the film looking "worn" and the "missing" sex scene between Wray and Cherry. (That had better be on the DVD!)

RATING REASON: "Grindhouse" as a whole is Rated R, so that means if "Planet" were a stand-alone film, it would be R, too. The reason being for strong graphic bloody violence, pervasive language, and some sexuality - this means zombies being shot, stabbed, and having their heads cut off by a helicopter; f-bombs being dropped, as well as sh*t (the word); and the beginnings of a sex scene with McGowan and Rodriguez.

THE FINAL WORD: Awesome, entertaining, cheesy as all hell, and a fun movie-going experience. As a stand-along film, "Planet Terror" is FOUR STARS out of four.

"DEATH PROOF"
STARRING:
Kurt Russell as Stuntman Mike
Rosario Dawson as Abernathy
Tracie Thoms as Kim
Zoe Bell as Herself
Sydney Tamilia Poitier as Jungle Julia

PLOT: Stuntman Mike (Russell) is an old Hollywood stunt double who likes to go to bars and regale women with his stories of past stunts. Stuntman Mike also happens to be a homicidal psychopath who uses his reinforced, "Death Proof" stunt car to kill the same women talks to at bars. After coming across Jungle Julia and her pals one night in Austin, Texas, Mike moves on to Tennessee where he stalks three friends working on a movie shoot. What Mike doesn't know is that two of the friends are also professional stuntwomen and don't take too kindly to Mike's murderous antics. A riveting car chase ensues!

REVIEW: Where "Planet Terror" was an all-out action fest, "Death Proof" is almost the complete opposite. "Proof" is vintage Tarantino in so many ways: lots and lots of vulgar yet funny and insightful dialogue by the characters, unique and engaging characters, great shots (a number of them of girls' feet), and memorable action sequences. "Death Proof" can probably be divided into four quarters of varying time and it goes like this:

1st Quarter: Jungle Julia and pals talking about getting high and having sex and meeting Stuntman Mike.
2nd Quarter: Stuntman Mike killing a childhood friend of Julia's (Rose McGowan) with his car, then Julia and Co. in a spectacular head-on collision that gets replayed three times in slow-motion.
3rd Quarter: We meet Abernathy (Dawson), Kim (Thoms), Lee (Mary Elizabeth Winstead) and Zoe Bell (Bell) as they take a break from shooting a movie. Lots of talking ensues, we see Stuntman Mike stalking them.
4th Quarter: The girls get their hands on a 1970 Dodge Challenger, like the one from the movie "Vanishing Point", Mike chases them and scares the hell out of them, then girls get their revenge.

It's that simple, except that within all of that I didn't mention that when Abernathy and Co. get their hands on the Challenger, they play a game called "Ship's Mast" - where Zoe gets on the hood of the car while Kim drives it. During this game is when Mike shows up and a heart-pounding action scene takes place without any CG. Unforgettable. Sadly, it came a little too late in the movie because you literally sit there for about an hour before the real action sequence takes place.

ACTING: "Death Proof" is almost an exercise in seeing how long the actors/actresses can keep the audience engaged with their looks and how they deliver the dialogue. And for the most part, everybody does a great job in doing so. Poitier is a future star, McGowan shows up and steals a little bit of the screen with her banter with Russell, Rosario Dawson is funny and good-looking, and so on and so forth. What I really want to point out is how good of a job Zoe Bell does. Yes, I know she's playing herself for the most part, but she was hilarious and what she had to do on the hood of that Challenger was beyond comprehension. Mad props. Oh yeah, and Stuntman Mike was the shit - mainly because Kurt Russell is the man.

DIRECTING: "Death Proof" is notable in that it's the first movie of QT's that he was also the director of cinematography and he did very well with it. Considering the car chase sequence had no CG whatsoever, it was even more amazing. At no point during the chase do you feel quesy or taken out of anything, and that's incredible to me. Definitely one of the best car chase scenes I've ever seen.

RATING REASON: "Death Proof" would be rated R if it were a stand-alone film, because of strong graphic bloody violence and gore, pervasive language, some sexuality, and drug use. This means: Stuntman Mike's kilings were brutal as hell and QT shows you what happens when a tire runs over somebodies face as well as the aftermath of a head-on crash; the girls swear like sailors, there's mention of sexual acts, and Jungle Julia and Co. smoke some weed.

THE FINAL WORD: "Death Proof" is a solid movie, but at times it gets sluggish with too much talk. It's also much slower than "Planet Terror", and seeing as that it comes after such an action packed movie, "Proof" will probably lose some of the audience with its pacing and the style of movie that it is. I liked it however and give it THREE STARS out of four.

THE FINAL WORD ON "GRINDHOUSE": I loved "Grindhouse". As soon as I heard that Rodriguez and Tarantino (two of my favorite directors) were doing this I couldn't wait. The only qualm I have about "Grindhouse" is that "Death Proof" should've been shown before "Planet Terror". That way the audience could've been eased into the style of the movies and then it could've gone out with a BANG! Instead, it almost peaks too soon and then kind of wimpers out towards the end. Overall though, the experience was a different one and definitely one that needs to be seen in theatres, especially with the faux trailers for the movies "Werewolf Women of the S.S." by Rob Zombie ("The Devi's Rejects"), "Don't" by Edgar Wright ("Shaun of the Dead"), "Machete" by Rodriguez, and my favorite, "Thanksgiving" by Eli Roth. If you are a movie fan and have three hours to kill, go see "Grindhouse", which I'll give FOUR STARS.